kelly4c wrote:
mcavoyfan wrote:
What is it with fans that post (not here) that "Darn, I wish he weren't married. His wife is one lucky woman!"

Like, what difference does it make if he's married or not? It's not like any of us (single or not) would EVER have a chance with him. Then to say that his wife is a lucky woman, it's like trying to make up for the fact that they wish he weren't married so they could have him for themselves.

I would guess it's mostly young, idealistic girls/women who say that. And it's probably not because they think they have a chance with him but because it sort of ruins the part of the "fantasy" in knowing that he's not available even in a what-if situation.
It is not just the young idealistic women Kelly, it's the ones that are plagued by jealousy. And if you don't know that kind of jealousy you are one lucky woman, because jealousy is one of the most painful feelings that exist.

And it has nothing to do with knowing that you do not make a chance with him in real life. Because this crush exists on the emotional plain. On the rational plain we all know we don't have a change of ever ending up with him. We even know that it is not really him we have a crush on but that it is a persona we created in our heads that is made up from one or several of the characters he played, parts from his personal life that we know and characteristics of the 'perfect man'. And that we probably would not even want to be with him in real life, because we could never get used to him being away so much/ having to live in the public eye/ all these women around him all the time/ etc.
But on as I said a crush exists on the emotional plain and there is no ratio there. The emotional part of us is convinced it's the real James we are in love with and it's the emotional part that is therefore jealous of any woman that is closer to him than we are, especially his wife!

It can help a little bit to switch to the rational side when the emotional side causes jealousy or heartache, to tell yourself that it does not matter if he is married or not, because it is not really him we are in love with anyway. It always helped me to realise that the fact that he is happily married saved me from a lot of almost-heart attacks that would probably occur every time a rumour about a relationship would show up in the press like it happens with single celebs all the time.

But it is better to look inside to see what is causing this crush, because that is where the real hurt is. What are you missing in your life that made you fall in love with a celeb?

I am not saying this goes for everyone, but a lot of us are in a difficult time in our life and we miss something relationshipwise that caused or facilitated the crush. Did you go through a recent divorce or become a widow? Are you lonely but are you not able to make the kind of connections that would get you a relationship in real life? Is there something missing in the relationship you have?

For a lot of us that experience pain or jealousy from our crushes, it is our own sistuation that causes the pain. And if you can find what it is, the pain will be better to manage. Grief/saddness is not as painful as jealousy is because there is no 'hate' in it. (And if you know what is causing it, you can also see if there is something you can do about it, if you are not already doing it.)

So that is why I think there are people out there that write that Theresa. And I think it is a really healty way to share it. When I was still on IMDB before I started this board there would be people posting horrible things about AM, just to vent their jealousy. I don't want people putting her down like that on my board, but everyone should feel free to talk about their jealousy in this thread as long as they can see it is about them and not about AM.

I am sure a lot of members recognise this feeling and maybe they can help eachother in here.